the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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