I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
