This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Congratulations! We have a period
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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