I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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