well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
