Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
