fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
