So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
