Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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