Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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