I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
