I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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