her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
