we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
