you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You took a bar mat shot.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
