Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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