3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
