Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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