Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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