mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
