If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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