Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
