Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
