You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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