The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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