Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
