I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
