if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
