just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
