Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am midnight drunk by noon
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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