it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
