Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
