Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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