im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
