yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm at about main and main street
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Randomize
