There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
