was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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