does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I touched a dick in church today
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
