she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
