so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
