D3 body, D1 cock
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
