so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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