Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
