I am spending my child support on dildos
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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