ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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