Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
