she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
