I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i believe in u and ur pee
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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