Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
