taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
