I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
